i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
