I just pynch a tree in the face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
