I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
