you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
