Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
