I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
