I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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