No stitches, just platelets and will power
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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