like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
