I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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