TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize