so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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