I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
