Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize