I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
