I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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