I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
