He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
