u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
