I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize