Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
