She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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