Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
