My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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