I feel like I'm in dance class right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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