Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
