took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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