So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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