the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
