Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
