i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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