I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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