the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
