Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
