It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize