just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
