Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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