I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
