So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When are your genitals available?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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