maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
