Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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