I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize