well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
