**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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