Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
