yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
