you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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