I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The air was thick with penises
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
