What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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