you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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