my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
