You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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