The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
