thus making me awesome and them whores
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
