I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
