I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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