I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
