hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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