hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
