I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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