Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
