I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
