She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
