conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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