That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
