We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
