You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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