i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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